


You're Lovable, But You're Just Troubled

by fleurdelisee



Category: Glee
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-23
Updated: 2010-02-23
Packaged: 2017-10-23 00:10:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/244105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fleurdelisee/pseuds/fleurdelisee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine’s life is apparently doomed to be filled with confusion.</p><p>Originally posted on February 23, 2011.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Lovable, But You're Just Troubled

**Author's Note:**

> My very own attempt at a fix-it fic for BIOTA.  
> Title is from _I Am Not A Robot_ by Marina And The Diamonds.

Blaine is not an idiot. He can tell Kurt is still upset at him. He may act like everything is fine between them since the Rachel-Berry-Episode of his life is behind him, but Blaine knows him well enough by now to know it’s not the truth. He also knows Kurt is too proud to admit that something is wrong, even if the entire galaxy noticed.

Again, Blaine is not stupid, and he knows what is wrong. Well, he knows the general area of the reason behind Kurt’s Ice Queen mood. It has to do with Rachel, and bisexuality, and possibly other things. He really needs to watch When Harry Met Sally again. Possibly while taking notes.

So, Blaine first tries to make it clear he’s not into Rachel. He confronts Kurt armed with coffee and his favourite biscotti after a rehearsal.

“I can’t believe I thought I was into Rachel Berry. I mean, she’s nice and everything, but no. There’s nothing there. No fireworks, nothing.”

Confrontation might have been a strong word. He brings up the subject nonchalantly, hoping for a resolution.

“That’s outstanding.” Kurt’s reply is so cold, Blaine is pretty sure the coffee Kurt is holding is now iced from the way he talked around it. “Anyway, even if you did have something for her, after the ‘Jesse St James Massacre,’ I don’t think it would have worked. Rachel is like me, you would have come second behind the competition between you two.”

Blaine is not sure whether he should take what Kurt just said negatively or not, so he stays silent until Kurt starts talking about Regionals.

Clearly, it has nothing to do with Rachel, so it’s the bisexuality fight. That one is trickier, since their opinions on the matter are as conflicting as they come. Blaine knows he will need more than coffee and biscotti if Kurt is upset because he doubted his sexual orientation – which, by the way, makes no sense, but Blaine values their friendship enough to step down and brush it off, he is _so_ on his way to be a grown-up, it’s almost scary.

He takes Kurt out for a movie this time, hoping that watching _Black Swan_ for the fourth time might put him in the mood to discuss and stop being angry. It would have been easier if Kurt’s new favourite movie was something like _No Strings Attached_ in terms of mood, but Blaine will deal with ballet and psychosis, even if that means getting Tchaikovsky’s compositions stuck in his head for another week.

“So, Kurt, hum.” Nice start. He is so coherent and eloquent. “About that other time. I was confused and, well, confused, and I didn’t really know who I was anymore and I was trying to figure it out, you know?” Kurt only raised an eyebrow, Ice Queen mood back in force. “Yeah, anyway, I’m gay. A hundred percent gay, I’m sure of it, now.”

“Good.”

It obviously was not that, either. That is just brilliant, really. His best friend is mad at him and he has no idea why and he is too damn proud to ask him. If only he had cool friends like Kurt has to confide in, but just the idea of asking David his opinion on the matter is making him shudder. David is a nice guy alright, but they are not _there_. Blaine does not exactly want to go there with him.

The weirdest thing is that he still hangs out with Kurt like everything is fine, even though he knows it is not the case. They still get coffee after rehearsals, they still have lunch together, study together, walk to their classes together, text each other, and that is all very confusing for Blaine. He’s never had anyone passively angry at him, and he does not know how to deal with it.

After two weeks of this regime, Blaine has had enough. He does not know how to act around Kurt anymore, he’s afraid that anything he might say will upset him, he’s even losing sleep over this. He hates having people mad at him and it literally makes him sick to think that some people could possibly dislike him. His need for approval and love is probably a problem, but it will have to wait before he focuses on them. He has more important matters at hand.

A silent moment in their usual post-rehearsal coffee – he won’t say the word ‘date’, that would be crossing a line – meeting seems like the right moment, so he jumps in.

“You’re angry at me.”

Kurt looks away from the window and sets a questioning look on Blaine, his eyebrow quirked. “What makes you think that?”

“I can tell. You’re not-- _you_ anymore. Something’s bothering you, and I know it’s something I did.”

“You’re not nearly as oblivious as I thought,” Kurt comments dryly, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Can you stop with the passive-aggressivity? Please? I’m trying to be serious right now.”

“Fine.” Kurt sighs, setting his hands flat on the table before he continues. “Yes, Blaine, I’m mad at you, if you really want to know.”

“Can I ask you why?”

Kurt bites his lip and looks out the window for a moment. “I think I made it pretty clear that I’m—interested in you. I _know_ we agreed to wait and see how it goes and that’s fine, really. But it’s really hard for me to watch you go around kissing people when we’re supposed to work on _something_ , whatever that is.”

“I honestly don’t know what to say to this,” Blaine lets out quietly. It was not because he kissed _Rachel_ , but because he _kissed_ Rachel. The location of the emphasis changes the entire situation and Blaine gets it, he finally does.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does,” Blaine replies, putting his hand over Kurt’s. “I like you, Kurt. That I made clear as well, I think. But, I have a feeling you—like me more than I do you. For now.” Blaine bites the inside of his cheeks the second the words are out. This is so not what he wanted to say. It came out all wrong, and he’s pretty sure Kurt will explode.

Kurt lets out a single laugh, devoid of any happiness. He pulls his hand away from Blaine’s, instead clinging to the scarf still hanging around his neck. “Isn’t that _jolly_?”

“No, don’t react like this! I’m working on it. I really am.” Blaine leans forward as he says that, putting his hand over his heart, trying his best to show Kurt how sincere he is in that instant.

He is. Every minute he spends with Kurt, he falls a little more for him. It’s a slow-process, but he is pretty sure it will only make his feelings more durable. The word permanent comes to his mind but it’s a scary word in that context. Full of meaning and stuff he is way too young to think about.

“You’re working on loving me? How is that supposed to make me feel better? Face it, Blaine. It would be convenient for you to like me because I’m the only out gay guy you know.” Kurt swiftly gets up and puts on his coat, shaking his head at Blaine when their eyes meet. “You know, I guess it never crossed your mind but I might have liked ‘experimenting’ with you, like you did with Rachel. I could have helped you figure out if you’re really gay.”

Before Blaine can reply, Kurt is gone and how much he screwed up finally sinks in. Without a second thought for the nearly full cups he paid for and that he’s about to leave behind, he grabs his things and leaves after Kurt, speeding up when he sees him get in his car.

“Kurt! Wait, please!” he calls across the parking lot. There is no way he is letting Kurt leave after that conversation. He stops by the boy’s car, tapping the window with his finger a few times. Kurt rolls it down without looking at him. “This conversation did not go as planned. It came out all wrong.”

“You think?” Kurt deadpans, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Yeah. It sounded like I have to try to like you when what I wanted to say is that I like you more and more every time I see you. I’m falling hard, Kurt, and it’s scary. I don’t know what to do. I can’t even talk about it properly. I’ve never felt this before.”

Kurt sighs and rolls his eyes, leaning against the head rest. Without a word, he rolls up the window, turns the engine off and steps out of his car. “Let’s walk.”

Blaine agrees to Kurt’s offer to walk around town mainly because he feels he is going to need distractions if they start talking about their feelings. He would not be able to do it in a low setting like the coffee shop or Kurt’s car. The weather is surprisingly nice for that time of the year and Blaine is disoriented to hear birds chirping in late winter, in Ohio.

“I don’t know—” Blaine begins.

“Stop talking. I need to think,” Kurt snaps, shoving his hands deeper in his pocket and skipping over a puddle.

Blaine lets him think, even after half an hour of silently wandering the streets of downtown Lima. He thinks, too, about what this could mean for the both of them if a positive reconciliation comes out of it. Blaine glances at Kurt and feels a smile forming on his lips. Kurt’s cheeks are reddened by the winter air and his face is set in such a way that it looks like he is pouting. Yes, Blaine is falling really hard, and he has no idea where he is going to land.

“Let’s go to my place,” Kurt finally says, looking at Blaine.

Blaine almost refuses. He is still not over Kurt’s father finding him in his son’s bed, _hung over_ , but declining Kurt’s offer sounds like an even worse idea. He nods and they head back to the parking lot to get their respective cars.

Blaine’s nerves set in when they sit on Kurt’s bed. He mindlessly begins stroking the fur blanket Kurt keeps on his bed and he does not miss the small smile on Kurt’s face when he catches him doing it.

“I’m sorry,” Blaine blurts out.

Kurt nods, pressing his lips together, avoiding Blaine’s eyes.

“I’ve been thinking,” Kurt begins, grabbing a pillow and hugging it to his chest. “If kissing Rachel made you doubt pretty much your entire identity—maybe kissing me would make you know whether you only like me or you _like_ me.”

Blaine swallows, digging his fingers in the brown fur and watching them disappear, not daring to look up. “Maybe,” he answers, clearing his throat afterwards. “Yeah.” Yes, that would definitely confirm stuff. Well, the way his heart is now threatening to beat out of his ribcage is already answer enough, if he’s honest.

Blaine actually hears Kurt swallowing, and then his breath itches when Kurt moves closer to him. “I think it’s funny how both our first kisses were with girls.”

Blaine tries to chuckle, but his throat is too dry. “You’re not angry anymore?” he asks to buy himself some time.

Kurt’s hand is right next to his on the blanket, his fingers threading through the fur like Blaine’s. “You’ve been honest. I could not ask for more, even if your answer does not exactly please me. I’ll take it, though.”

“Kurt, listen,” Blaine says, letting his fingers brush over Kurt’s. “I know you—I like you a lot, and I care about you. And I know all of those feelings are constantly growing. I—I really want to be with you, but I want to do this right.”

Blaine risks a glance up and sees a small smile on Kurt’s face as the boy watches their now joined hands.

“Is there really a right way to do this?” Kurt asks. “As far as I know, there’s no manual. Whatever feels right.”  
Blaine nods, letting what Kurt said sink in for a moment. “This feels right,” he finally replies in a quiet voice.

“Yes.”

They look up at the same time, their eyes meeting. Kurt’s hand is warm in his and he squeezes it, his smile mirroring Kurt’s.

“I don’t know yet if I’ll ever feel something stronger for you,” Blaine begins and why couldn’t he stay quiet, he is going to ruin everything again. “I mean—stronger than what I have right now. Whatever that is.”

“I don’t think I possibly can, personally.”

“Why do you have to be so sure of who you are and what you feel while I’m just—flailing and being confused all the time?” Blaine nearly whines.

Kurt chuckles. “I’m not. The difference is that I deal with my own thoughts alone instead of bringing other people into it and when it’s too much, I know when to ask for help.”

“I’d need help right now,” Blaine mutters, rolling his eyes.

“My offer still stands.”

The room becomes eerily quiet after Blaine lets out a whispered ‘okay’. Blaine’s heart is once again trying to beat out of his chest and his mouth feels like he liked a block of salt for the past hour. It’s Kurt’s turn to tighten his grip on Blaine’s hand as he leans forward. Blaine closes his eyes after seeing Kurt do the same and he holds his breath. He is actually terrified of what might come out of that kiss.

Their lips meet and Blaine knows. He _knows_. It’s over too quickly and it’s too chaste, but it’s enough to straighten his mind. He opens his eyes and sees that Kurt’s are still closed. Kurt is breathing heavily, his lips slightly parted and his fingers pressed on them.

“Wow,” Kurt breathes out, finally opening his eyes.

“I think I need another one. To make sure I concluded the right thing,” Blaine says tentatively, biting his lips. He doesn’t miss Kurt’s eyes shifting from holding Blaine’s gaze to his mouth, nor the blush that colours his cheeks.

“Okay,” Kurt whispers.

Blaine shuts his eyes first this time, the action involuntarily happening when Kurt’s shaking hand cups his jaw. Blaine’s breath itches when he feels Kurt’s lips on his, feels the boy pecking at his lips delicately, almost hesitantly. It’s headed to be exactly like their first one – Blaine’s mind is reeling, their _first kiss_ \- so Blaine kisses back, pressing his lips longer and harder on Kurt’s.

It’s Kurt who breaks the kiss, almost jerking away and leaning on his hands, clearly staying as far from Blaine as he can without actually moving away.

“Did it help?” he asks, his voice higher than usual.

“Yes,” Blaine answers in a white voice. “It did.”

“And what’s the conclusion?”

Blaine almost goes for comedy, he almost says ‘well, I’m gay, that’s for sure,’ but Kurt’s eyes are earnest and scared and he cannot do this to him. “I like you a lot more than I thought.”

Kurt’s face breaks into a grin and Blaine laughs when he tries to hide it.

“Well, that’s good news,” Kurt says once he stops, looking too thrilled to talk.

“Is it?” Blaine is leaning forward, his eyes set on Kurt’s mouth.

He kisses Kurt before he can reply, gripping Kurt’s shoulder to steady himself and not topple on him. Kurt is smiling into the kiss, which in turn makes Blaine smile, resulting on the both of them just smiling against the other’s mouth and Blaine would feel ridiculous if it didn’t feel so damn good.

“This should be called the Rachel Berry Test,” Kurt comments once they finally break apart, their foreheads still pressed together.

“I’m sure she would be thrilled.”

“Knowing her? Yes, she would.”

Blaine presses his lips against Kurt’s once more, and while he moans when their tongues touch, he will forever overview this detail to focus on the _groan_ that escapes Kurt’s throat at the same time.


End file.
